Never Give up on Challenging to be with the World_①

Never give up on challenging to be with the World –

本校では、トビタテ!留学JAPAN日本代表プログラム・アカデミックロングに5名の合格者を出しています。2019-20年のアカデミック・ロング生の一人、村上遥香さんからのレポートを紹介します。 世界が分断されている今の状況の中で、世界のパートナー校から頂いた「共にこの状況を生き抜こう」というメッセージへ、本校トビタテ生からのフィードバックです。

Hello, everyone. I’m Haruka Murakami from Japan.  I am an exchange student for one year studying at a local school in the UK, and also, I am one of the Tobitate Young Ambassadors designated by MEXT with scholarship.

My studying abroad has been over suddenly. Who could guess this situation happens this year and it’s killing a lot of people? I would like to say just no one could guess. I know that. No one could guess new corona virus has outbroken since January, and no one knows when it is going to be stopped. Everyone is afraid of being infected with new corona virus.  Everyone hopes everything will be alright soon and then, our normal life is coming back soon. But if the normal life gets back to us, I will be not able to accept the reality.  I’m feeling like being in the dream still now.  Actually I don’t believe I’m in Japan and I’ll never come back to the Giggleswick School.  When I go to bed, I always think this could be a bad dream, so when I wake up next morning, I might be in the UK.  But it’s just delusion. It’s not the reality.  I’m always suffering at night, because silence at night reminds me all memories of England and it makes me be sad. The empty feeling is coming into my heart, and I think I have nothing in my heart. That’s why I don’t sleep well every day.

When my guardian and my mother decided to make me get back to Japan, I cried a lot. I couldn’t stop it and I asked my mum why I have to be back to Japan now and I wondered why corona virus has been spreading this year and why I have to cry.  I had a lot of questions.  But my mother didn’t answer those questions and just said a single phrase, “I know”.  I knew my mother couldn’t know their answers, but I really wanted to know them. I was really upset and angry at everything, but I didn’t know who should be blamed. Of course, no one should take responsibility for this situation.  It’s just like a destiny.  Everyone says, “I know it was really shame for you, but I can’t help it. You have to change your mind.”  I know that they’re correct and everyone says right things. But I’m not an adult. I meant I can’t say like “Yes. You’re right. I’ll change my mind as soon as possible. Don’t worry I’m alright. I don’t care about that”.  If I were an adult, I could accept this reality, but I’m still a child. I am not matured enough to accept every single reality and not strong enough to accept this unfair situation.

I was supposed to go to the language school in Edinburgh during Easter holiday. My host family who live in London promised me that they would spend a great time with me in next half term because my birthday is coming in the next half term. I promised with my Spanish roommate that I would give a great present for her birthday. I was going to go to some of Europe countries with my mother after the end of year 10. I made plan for that. But these futures were broken by this corona virus.   I can’t forgive corona virus but it’s just a virus.

Maybe I will be able to accept this reality, but I need long time to do that. But I think I might speak this story with laughing when I’m older.

In conclusion I want to say this virus can steal not only the life of people but also the futures which people were excited at. We must not forget this thing and we must make use of what we learned for our future.

“ If people don’t learn anything from history they will do same mistaking in the future.”

My history teacher advised to me the above wisdom. I thought it’s really important when he told me. But now I understand what he did mean to say to me.

Please keep staying at home and enjoy it, which I believe could get you back to your normal lives!


留学先のイギリスから緊急帰国しました。誰が、世界中でコロナウイルスがはやり、決して少なくない数の人々が死んでいくと予測できたでしょうか。きっと誰も予測できなかったはずです。そして誰もいつ収束するか知りません。おそらくすべての人がウイルスに感染することを恐れ、すぐに事態が収束し、今まで通りの生活が戻ってくることを望んでいます。しかし、仮に普段通りの生活が戻っても、私自身はその現実をなかなか受け入れられないと思います。 私は今でも夢のような感覚がするのです。イギリスのGiggleswick schoolに戻れないこと、そして自分自身が今日本にいること自体信じられていないからです。 夜、布団に入るとき、いつも、「これはただの悪い夢で、朝起きたらきっとイギリスの寮のベッドの上なのではないか。」と考えます。しかし、それはただの妄想であり、実際はそんなことないのです。毎晩、私はなかなか寝付けず、苦しんでいます。静寂が私にイギリスでのすべての思い出を思い出させ、すごく悲しくなります。虚無的感情が心の中に入ってきては、そこに居座り、心が空っぽになってしまったかのように痛むのです。そのため、なかなか気持ちいい眠りにつくことができません。